‘Mess life’ for women: Where dream and struggle share one room

In Dhaka and other cities across the country, countless female students and working women live in "Mess Bari" – a type of boarding house catered to mostly bachelors. In this patriarchal society, how do they survive their daily struggles after leaving their families behind?

After the university admission exam, a door to an unknown and endless horizon was unlocked for Shormi. The girl who couldn't even spend a single night away from home—even at relatives' house. Now, she had to choose a "mess" as her new residence after getting into university.

The green memories of her village were abruptly replaced by the chaos and traffic-jammed roads. Returning "home" meant facing unfamiliar faces in an unfamiliar space. A small room with three girls, three tables, and three beds—this became the new reality of her existence, Shormi told this writer.

"The first night was spent in restless exhaustion, tangled in unfamiliar fears. The sound of someone talking on the phone, another studying, some desperately eager to bond, others aloof -- a whirlwind of strange, conflicting emotions gathers under one roof," she said.

But within a few days, this very room in Old Dhaka's mess became Shormi's own sanctuary - the cradle of her dreams and struggles.

Like Shormi, many women move to the city in search of education and livelihood, choosing shared accommodations as their temporary homes. Some come to study, others for work, while a few leave everything behind to carve out their own paths of resilience. Particularly in Dhaka, the housing crisis for female students and women looking for jobs grows more severe each year.

The four government hostels in Nilkhet, Khilgaon, Bailey Road, and Mirpur, along with university dormitories, have limited seats—far fewer than the number of female students and working women arriving in the capital.

Thus, small shared apartments become the last option for women living away from their families. These cramped spaces are converted into messes, with 3-4 occupants packed into a single room. Due to high demand, rent prices soar, forcing many to pay exorbitant amounts for minimal comfort.

The situation in the cities outside the capital is quite similar. Everyone goes through shared struggles and happy moments—mornings spent waiting in line for the bathroom, fighting for fridge space to store food, scrambling for room to keep utensils, disputes over clotheslines, intense negotiations about cleaning schedules, sometimes skipping meals due to financial issues, missing their mothers when fever strikes, or staying up all night chatting and singing together.

These bittersweet experiences carve out a unique chapter in life.

Most of those who come to live in messes arrive either escaping challenging circumstances or preparing to face upcoming struggles. Here begins their fight against some rigid societal norms. Since urban society itself often frowns upon women moving from rural areas, their everyday battles become double challenging compared to men's.

Unnecessary accountability to landlords, prying eyes from neighbours, unwelcome interest in their comings and goings, and constant vulnerability—navigating these obstacles while proving oneself becomes a true crucible. They learn to protect not just themselves, but also their fellow messmates beside them.

This struggle teaches them financial management, discipline, and patience. The struggles of a mess life also bring new friendships and relationships as unexpected rewards. Depending on one's goals and circumstances, some companions become fellow travellers on the journey, while others may lead one astray from their purpose.

Amidst the multifaceted experiences of a mess life, a glimmer of dreams persists in the eyes of young women like Shormi. Within those cramped, chaotic rooms, the foundations of professional careers are forged. From these very spaces, some secure their dream jobs, achieve great GPAs, earn scholarships, and climb ladders of success. Thus, messes become more than just living quarters—they transform into nurseries of dreams and tomorrow's possibilities.